The stage was set for the makings of a legendary Hollywood sendoff. I had just shared a tearful goodbye with my mom and dad in our garage, and I had proceeded to get into my car which was jam-packed with various belongings that I had deemed necessary for my new life in Santa Monica (these belongings included an ironing board, a set of Pottery Barn oars, and a photographer’s tripod floor lamp, among other essentials). If I were directing this scene, I would have seen the image of my sniveling parents in my side-view mirror as I drove down the snowy streets of Granger to embark on my new life in sunny California. But as I’m regularly reminded, my life isn’t a movie. Instead, the scene dragged on for at least ten more minutes, as I couldn’t get my GPS to recognize my sister’s address in Austin, TX (my major pit stop on the way to LA). Lacking any sense of direction, there was absolutely no way that I was going to leave our driveway without an automated Australian woman rattling off thorough instructions on how to exit my neighborhood. Tim and Ang helped me try to google a landmark close to Jessica’s apartment that I could input into my GPS. After a few failed attempts, we finally located a movie theater that Sheila (the pseudonym I’ve assigned to my GPS) recognized. At that point, my parents’ tears had dried, and I’m fairly certain that they spent the next few minutes wondering if they had equipped me with the necessary tools to make a cross-country journey on my own. But, alas, I was off!
The next six hours were a bit of a blur – I alternated between belting out classic tunes from Doyle’s “Middle School Favorites” playlist and listening to three hours of podcasts that I had downloaded to my phone the previous night. Yes, I didn’t bother to Google Map any of my destinations the night before, but I managed to find time to download hours of my favorite talk radio shows. It’s called priorities…
I was thrilled to receive several phone calls during this first leg of my journey. However, every person who called began the conversation with, “So where are you?” Now anyone who has ever driven with me (or read my comments above) knows that I will follow Sheila straight off of a cliff if she instructs me to “make a right turn ahead.” In other words, as long as I’m doing what Sheila says and abiding by basic traffic laws, then I feel like I’m doing my job. To satisfy these callers’ curiosity, I stealthily searched for “nearby locations” on Sheila’s “Route Options” and just named whatever city appeared first. I’m sure that there are clever naming conventions associated with Freeway names which provide hints as to one’s whereabouts, but if humans only have access to ten percent of their brains, then I’m not wasting any of that precious real estate with trivial street facts.
During the next four hours of driving, I made two significant discoveries. First, I realized that the one profession that I would NOT like to try (in case James Lipton ever asks me on Inside the Actors’ Studio) is truck driver. The highlight of my drive today has been a tie between counting the number of Cracker Barrels that I’ve passed and watching the temperature gauge in my car climb from 30 to 60 degrees the further Southwest that I drove (yes, I did figure out that I’m driving Southwest – I’ll hold for applause). Needless to say, I’m ready for this drive to be over with, but I’m only one-fourth of the way there. The second thing that I’ve learned is that Arkansas likes to Brangelina “Arkansas” with other U.S. locations in order to create city names. So far, I’ve driven through Arkadelphia and I am currently staying at a hotel in Texarkana. I hear that Texarkana is the new LA so buy your timeshares now people! (Jess that’s a joke – please don’t buy any more timeshares! )
Time for some California Dreamin!
Good Night!
The next six hours were a bit of a blur – I alternated between belting out classic tunes from Doyle’s “Middle School Favorites” playlist and listening to three hours of podcasts that I had downloaded to my phone the previous night. Yes, I didn’t bother to Google Map any of my destinations the night before, but I managed to find time to download hours of my favorite talk radio shows. It’s called priorities…
I was thrilled to receive several phone calls during this first leg of my journey. However, every person who called began the conversation with, “So where are you?” Now anyone who has ever driven with me (or read my comments above) knows that I will follow Sheila straight off of a cliff if she instructs me to “make a right turn ahead.” In other words, as long as I’m doing what Sheila says and abiding by basic traffic laws, then I feel like I’m doing my job. To satisfy these callers’ curiosity, I stealthily searched for “nearby locations” on Sheila’s “Route Options” and just named whatever city appeared first. I’m sure that there are clever naming conventions associated with Freeway names which provide hints as to one’s whereabouts, but if humans only have access to ten percent of their brains, then I’m not wasting any of that precious real estate with trivial street facts.
During the next four hours of driving, I made two significant discoveries. First, I realized that the one profession that I would NOT like to try (in case James Lipton ever asks me on Inside the Actors’ Studio) is truck driver. The highlight of my drive today has been a tie between counting the number of Cracker Barrels that I’ve passed and watching the temperature gauge in my car climb from 30 to 60 degrees the further Southwest that I drove (yes, I did figure out that I’m driving Southwest – I’ll hold for applause). Needless to say, I’m ready for this drive to be over with, but I’m only one-fourth of the way there. The second thing that I’ve learned is that Arkansas likes to Brangelina “Arkansas” with other U.S. locations in order to create city names. So far, I’ve driven through Arkadelphia and I am currently staying at a hotel in Texarkana. I hear that Texarkana is the new LA so buy your timeshares now people! (Jess that’s a joke – please don’t buy any more timeshares! )
Time for some California Dreamin!
Good Night!
